the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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