dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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