Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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