may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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