Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
