so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
