You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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