her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
