just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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