Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
