that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
