and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
