Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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