i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
