Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
