so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
