i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
