I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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