I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
