first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize