Already got asked if we're dating
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
