Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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