i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
