It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
