Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I deserve this hangover.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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