Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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