i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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