You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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