GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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