She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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