i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
