I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
