At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
