Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
