we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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