I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
