Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
