The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
and you fell through a lawn chair
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
