No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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