This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
