I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
