She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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