Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
