Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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