i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
