I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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