Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
