dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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