I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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