okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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