I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
