Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
